I’m sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am, but I’m going to have to inspect this suitcase in the name of safety and security. Do you affirm that you are the one who packed this bag, and that it has not been out of your sight since packing, and that no one else has put anything into it?

I’m going to have to get my partner to check this one out. It seems suspicious.

Ah-HA. It is just as I thought. I’m going to have to arrest you for going away for the weekend without me. You can get out of the charges if you agree to take me with you.

(I tried explaining to him that he really wouldn’t like to ride in my suitcase, but I’m not sure he believes me.)

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